What’s Holding You Back From Your Dreams?

If I had to really name what is standing in my way at this moment, I believe its my own psyche. I spend so much time in my head replaying thoughts of what mistakes I've made in the past or what I wish I would've done differently. The mental gymnastics of "what I should've done differently" or " If I knew then what I know now" is exhausting and depressing. It's a lot to hold on to and makes regulating my emotions difficult.

If I could really and truly could master the thoughts in my mind I'm almost certain I would be much more courageous. My traumas and past experiences wouldn't show up as much in my relationships with others. Physically I would walk taller, laugh harder and smile more frequently. I would speak in confidence knowing that my speech was clear and understood. I would try new things often simply because of my love of adventure. I would wear whatever I wanted because I wouldn't have the fear of judgment or ridicule hanging over my head.  I would live a truly free life.

If I don't master my thoughts I could very well see myself sinking deeper into my darker thoughts. I could see myself shrinking into a person that doesn't share her vulnerability with others. I wouldn't fight so fiercely for new things because the feelings of fear would keep me trapped in whatever present state I settle into. I would play life in the safe lane...Like the people who bowl with the bumper lanes on to avoid gutter balls.

Thinking forward on how to reframe these thoughts could be helpful for me. Practicing mindfulness and meditation daily seems like it would help me strengthen that part of my brain that says "stay in the present!”. On most days I can pull my mind back from those ruminating thoughts of my past mistakes but I would love to have a brain that doesn't reflect on the negative things on the past at all. It's a simple but complex thought to me that the battle for good mental health is waged completely in my own mind and body. Convincing myself that committing to daily meditation is the way to mental wellness seems to be the way I begin to master my thoughts and subsequently my moods.

There are so many things I don't do out of "fear". So many conversations I don't have with people because I was afraid of their response or rejection. So many projects in my mind that I don't start because I've convinced myself that no one will support me. So in a sense, I've let my psyche prevent me from doing a lot of the things I believe I could be good at because of "fear".  Although I'm not in a season of regret, it does sting a little when I see people do things that I thought of first or that I believe I can do better.

So this year I don't want to exist in fear for too long. I won't lie and say I won't experience fear because that's a real and valid emotion. What I'm saying is that I want to do the work to stop being paralyzed by fear. I don't want to continue to let my psyche dissuade me from my purpose. I can see that woman living life for herself unapologetically and free. Now I want to do the work to become that woman. She’s worth so much more than she even realizes.